Sunday, 27 August 2017

DEMONS

I used to think demons referred to mystical beings.
Beings who only existed in stories.
Bible stories especially.
But I have grown to know that Demons do not necessarily have to be mystical beings.
Demons are the battles we fight, the addictions we can't let go of, the scars from our past that haunt us, the decisions we wished we had made,  and the outcome of decisions we made.
I realised this after facing my demon.

ADDICTION.
You'd think I was addicted to drugs or alcohol.
You'd think I was addicted to masturbation as most people my age were.
But no.
I was addicted to this demon called sex.
It was a craving.
One that needed to be met at every point in time.
I cared less with who or where.
I just wanted the feeling of orgasms.
I wanted the highness that comes with it.
A different kind of highness.
One you wouldn't get from alcohol or drugs.
It was euphoric.
I thought I was "living my life".
But I was dying.
I knew it.
I just couldn't bring myself to face the truth.
You know deep down we all know our actions are wrong, but we never face them.
I was a coward.
But that changed when I decided enough was enough.
I didn't want my addiction to get the best of me anymore.
"I can't continue this way", I said to myself.
I knew I was more than this.
I just didn't know how to be more than this.
So I sought for  help.
And I got help.
It was one of the hardest decisions I had to make.
I was deprived of my demon.
I missed it for a while.
I fell back to it at some point.
But I got back up.
I knew I was more than that.
Till I overcame.
Now you've read about my demon.
I know you have yours.
Are you ready to face it and be better?
Reach out for help.
Confide in someone.
And you'll  be better.
I know you're more than this.


P.S. This is fictional and all characters and situations are not linked to the author. 
Have a good read.






Friday, 25 August 2017

HEALING


14.08.17

11:40 am




You know how they say you’d find a love so deep you’d want to drown? I thought I found mine when I met you. I experienced it all, the butterflies in my stomach, the fluttering, my hands shook and my cheeks flushed. I even heard the background music in my head like we starred in our own Indian movie. It felt like love.
But it was pain.
Pain served cold.
I remember feeling like I wasn't enough for you, thinking that I didn’t deserve you.
I should’ve known better. You didn’t deserve me. I should’ve thought better of myself and little of you.
We started our journey. It was beautiful, I think.
We were happy. Or should I say, I was happy. But for a moment.  And yes I know a moment doesn't last more than 90 seconds.
You started to pull away. You drifted. You didn’t notice me anymore. You called me ugly. I no longer caught your gaze. Your attention was expensive.
It hurt, I’ll admit. But I guess I was expecting it. You had taken what you wanted.
You had seen me naked because you took my clothes off, you saw my skin and touched my body. You ravaged me.
You got me where you wanted and how you wanted.
Now I held no meaning to you. It hurt, I'll admit. The hardest part was accepting my fault and deciding to forgive you.



I chose to move on.  To heal and be better.
Now you see me, healing, praying and glowing.
Now you want me but can’t have me.
You made me become better, you’d say.
But I chose to be better. Not for you or other thirsty people. But for me.
Remember I said you'd find a love so deep you’d want to drown?
That Love isn’t a love for someone else. It is a love for yourself.
SELF LOVE, its called.
A love for ME.
A love after you've healed.
HEALING PRAYING GLOWING.
‘Sope